"Write your name on your heart, and not on marble."

I pondered its meaning out loud to Julia. On marble, it is a cold thing, a grasping thing that seeks fame and recognition as an essential thing to prop up one's flagging self-esteem. But this is a false pride. The true pride finds all of its justification WITHIN: "I have done this. I have done that. I am a happy person. I create beautiful things. I am working on my communication skills. I am learning what I can and can't change via direct action and magical action." These are some things I take pride in. These are not dependent on a large admiring crowd. They may or not be there written in marble for others to see, but they are there on my heart.

Thus, the pride remains in matters of the spirit. I think too, of my material possessions. I enjoy these beautiful items very much. But what if thieves were to break in and steal them? How would I react then? There would be a certain element of mourning. I must consider the possibility, for in truth, all this stuff is temporary. Yet, I rejoice in my ability to enjoy these things. But the important thing is my enjoyment of these things, not the things themselves. The power must always be in me, not outside of me.

Thus it is, even in the material, our strength lies with the spiritual. And what of matters of the heart concerning LOVE? Many religions command their fellowers to love one another. But does love really work under a command? All real love arises from a natural font, without command. And then there's the flip side of this. If love from us can be commanded, then we can attempt to command love from others. But this only leads to misery. The love from me must exist for its own sake, not demanding from others a reply. Then it is free and not 'attached'.

And I feel better for saying so, for this release. Then I can regard everyone with an equanimity of spirit. I feel so much freer.

Without this realization I am helpless and dependent, needing people's approval. I was like this as a teenager. Even while I had fought so hard against my family's restraints, a part of me still hungered for their approval.

There will be those who disapprove of me, and this is okay. They are free to have their own opinion. There will be some who 'approve', who are able to rejoice in what ever I am able to contribute, and this is fine at that. I will not make demands on the number or who they are. It is simply sufficient that there have been those people. I can never be the true 'orphan', for love has found me, as I am and taken me in.

Even though I am now without a mother, I am not a true 'orphan', for I remember that she did love me. She used to say that her two kids were the best things in her life. Her life might not have gone the way she wanted it to. She often struggled with sadness, and yet she rejoiced in being parent to two children and all the promise of our lives. Yes, I carry her love with me, I do.