The End
A Postscript:
by Joan Ann Lansberry

Would this be how Laura's saga ends? Still in pining for a love of seven months, only 'mostly recovered', as Laura left you with, before her end. But is this how she meant to end the book?

All I can say is, the morning of July 28, 2002, before she left for the fateful bike ride, she made a new folder on her computer, and copied all the book files to it. She wanted to make 'some revisions', she said, and I yearn to know what they were.

Even in the depths of her turmoil, Laura acknowledged, ''Nothing in this new chapter of my life has invalidated or altered the love the three of us share, '' re-affirming the Triad. I wish I could say I had the power 'to channel' her spirit, for those revisions. But most people of reasonable mind are fairly certain such channelings pull only from the depths of our own psyche, however more in tune with the divine such depths may be.

With that disclaimer aside, I will now open my ear to the Mystery. I would seek now a fuller closure, untidy with the edges as it were the ending. Surely in my mind, the edges were not untidy. Grief turned round. She accepted the unacceptable, what in a few moments haste ended a life too soon.

How tragic, that, and Laura always had unanswered questions. ''What if I had paused the computer game long enough to help her look for those cat supplies?'' was one I heard often. Julia and I tried to reassure her. Shayna's Mother tried to re-assure her, but always that question would pop into her mind at unexpected times.

To any would-be unanswered questions buzzing around Laura's death, there are some fairly definite answers. By the grace of the fates, an off-duty fireman found Laura beside her bike, in distress, with great heart pain. He ran off to the nearest phone to call an ambulance, and when he returned, perhaps her heart attack had already occurred, for she could not breathe. He was able to resuscitate her, and the ambulance came quickly.

We know, then, Laura had not gone more than three blocks on that bicycle before experiencing difficulty. Julia and I are proud of Laura's unceasing efforts to fight against her heart disease. She kept fighting when lesser mortals would have long given up. But Laura loved life, she loved us, and she did not want to leave us. She constantly worried about what sort of life Julia and I would have once she was gone.

She left that morning, full of eagerness to get back. She and I were to join again in that alternate universe made possible by the web and many creative programmers. We would soon resume battle together against the snow cougars of Norrath. She had no inkling this morning was fated.

However, she was keenly aware of her fragilities. Her heart often beat irregularly, and she knew what that meant. She'd explained it graphically. One day, those beats would cluster so irregularly that the heart would seize. And she had researched her other conditions caused by her heart. The phlegm that would gather each morning, which needed to be coughed up, was among the signs of congestive heart failure. Research, she did, on the web, and reported to me what her likely end would be. 'Heart attack' or 'pneumonia', she said. Researched well, she must have, for indeed, those two were the ONE - TWO punch. The heart attack weakened her heart capacity to only ten percent, and she was not able to fight the subsequent infections. She'd revealed her fear of the 'cold sweats', signifier of pneumonia, so when I saw these sweats pour abundantly out of her as she lay supine in the hospital, unable to communicate, I knew the danger of this portent.

With such preparation, I was able to know something of what Laura was going through, and when I begged the doctor for honest outcomes, he did confirm those fears, and asked what Laura's wishes were, regarding artificial extension of life.

To that end, Laura had prepared me, as well, and I knew it was time to release her spirit. I then told Laura, ''It's up to you. If you want to stay, you know we'd love to have you here. But if you want to go, I understand. WHATEVER happens, you'll ALWAYS be our brave warrior!'' She passed not long after, waiting only for her brother Greg to arrive. The nurse noted the time as 6:25pm, that evening of July 31, 2002.

If that fireman had not found her, and she had left this earth collapsed beside her bicycle, the 'what ifs' would haunt us. The 'if onlys' would knock at our minds constantly. But now we know, the heart simply sustained too much damage, and there was nothing that could have been done.

One can be at peace with something like that. We are grateful fate had that kindness in store. Also, Julia and I are grateful for the help of our many friends here. They visited us in the hospital, brought food, knowing we'd not be thinking of such things. They prayed with the power of the Goddess, and sent energy which we felt carry us through the roughest spots. They initiated the idea of a memorial service, got the room for it, and helped us organize the evening's events. They got the news of Laura's death to the Yuma Sun, so that a follow-up story could be done on it. An article about the rescuing fireman had appeared earlier, and even in that, the gravity of Laura's situation was revealed. The fireman, too, had doubts for Laura's outcome. We thank all these people who rallied around us. Through them, surely divine spirit has been made felt.

And through the marvel of the web, Laura's words can go on speaking, as freshly as the day she first set them in print. This book, and her other writings, are the vessels of her spirit. It is my wish that when Julia and I, and all those who remember her now have passed on, these words will continue to speak for us. This would be a true immortality, one that has a tangible hold to it. Still, now, these are only wishes in our hearts. But the possibility, THAT gives hope to our spirits, and to this end, we will do all in our power to bring it into reality.

For, lo, now, even the ancients speak. Sappho argued passionately, ''I tell you now, in some far off time, people will think of us,'' To you people of the future: I address you, and salute you. Is it not the same fire which inspires all of us, across time and space?

Laura's powerful declaration remains:

And when you cease to be, eyes shut in black forever, there is one result rests with you: the truth that you have been, and no one, not man, nor god, nor force of nature, can ever take that away.

Her proud words have such force because they are TRUE words. There is no fearful wondering around the edges of some desired immortality 'in another life', or 'in another dimension'. Solid, that, and to that we affirm this declaration. We the Triad, Laura, Julia and I, have been. We have loved. We have made our bold stand. And NOTHING can ever take that away. So long as we have the power to declare it, nothing can ever take that away. And to our yearning hope, when our physical lips have turned to ash, may then our words be heard in your own accents, whispering in your minds, from a distant place and time.

To this, I seal my hopes. I dream dreams, and some of them have come true.


To Life!

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