Beginning

The beginning of something is important to me. Not only is this beginning of my journal important to me for historical reasons, but because I also reveal motivations for beginning such a project, which has proved very long term indeed.

October 31, 1996

What an unusual time to start a journal! Or perhaps it's not. Celtic neo-pagans regard Halloween as the beginning of the new year. They believe death begins the cycle of life. Where ever you point to on the cycle of death-birth- regeneration, it is all an unending circle. So this is as good a time to start a journal as any.

I used to keep a journal twenty years ago. Can it be that long ago? And then for a couple of years ten years back I also recorded the events of my life. I got re-inspired by a web site of someone we are to meet this coming Saturday. Becky kept a journal which she called "Real Life Test" when she began her transition from male to female. Her story is full of tidbits to help the reader visualize what was happening to her.

And thus this journal begins. Halloween, with the chilling air of the changing seasons, is always a moody time of the year. As leaves decay, I think about my own mortality. What if I don't get the fifty more years I hope for? What if death comes early? What have I done with my life? Am I living as fully as I can? For that is the only revenge against the eventually all too certain grim reaper.

For instance, if I were to write a poem every day, I would have 365 poems in a year, and shortly have an impressive body of work. If I were ambitious, I could do that. Can I be that ambitious?

ASCENT

The moon
slowly rises in the sky
She is round and full.
Wispy grey clouds pass by.
For awhile the moon is not seen,
She shines undercover.

JAL 10-31-96

© Joan Ann Lansberry
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