Saturday, May 24, 2008

"Thinking of Julia and Building a World"

It is too early to call Julia, as it is only 3:43am in Yuma. But I am thinking of her and how I love her. She is refined, gracious, a good cook, gentle, thoughtful, such a very good companion. I don't want to wake her, so I record it here, and will tell her later.

She appreciates me, she appreciates my interests, she supports my interests. This trip wouldn't have been possible with out her. She was for many months trying to ensure there's a good amount of money in the account, made sure I had lots of cash. (So good when unexpected expenses come up.) I am really grateful for her and I'm going to make sure she knows it.


It's been a wonderful day, beyond words to express, which ended with good conversation with Julia. I was inspired to write a poem:

What is the dream?
What is the fire that heats it?
At the friction point of what is and what could be,
the torment of not knowing,
but yearning -
this fuels the dream.
Every point a chance for illumination,
pop, pop, pop, the flashes of insight,
building a world piece by piece,
this world of my creation
with the combustion heat
born deep within.

Sunday, May 25, 2008 A

"Just a Cute 'Lil Elephant"

The morning after the poem, I still like it. That is a good sign. To make what is inner be revealed to what is outer, I must first communicate with my Self by listening. Then by process of refinement, something worthy may happen.

Ah, the synchronicity of elephants! They keep appearing and appearing. From Julia's first pointing out the illuminated Ganesh, I return full circle. A very eclectic shop here in Manhattan called East-West has a complete jumble of things. To give you an idea, Budge's hieroglyph dictionary sits next to Edgar Cayce's "Egypt Revealed". Serious philosophical and magical works are along side utter fluff.)

But the first thing I noticed when I walked in was a small grouping of brass Hindu statues. A cute little Ganeesh said, "Take me home!" I did not resist. I think I know right where I want him. He's so cute, he'll not look threatening, so I'll perch him at work.

Ganesh is always to me a sort of Hindu Thoth. "Remover of Obstacles", they title him, and as such for me, a very good archetype:

"Just a Cute 'Lil Elephant"
(Simple line drawing, no pre-sketch)

I think the hand positions are mudras, which have symbolic meaning. The hand extending, palm out means "Do not be afraid", if I remember right. My Shivas have that pose. Probably in practice it goes more like "Feel the fear, but do it anyway."

Sunday, May 25, 2008 B

"Some Realizations"

I wake from sleep with some realizations. I learned more about the Nauthiz rune today:

"Nauthiz is the force of cosmic resistance to the will and its actions. This is the source of the accumulation of layers of psychic substances that are the essence of what the Norse called orlog. The N-rune is resistance to actions, a cosmic friction between substances. This internal stress can be transformed into strength through the mystery of the need-fire. Once the flame is kindled, the cold of need is alleviated. But without 'need' the fired would never have been discovered in the first place.

"As we look deeper into the mystery of the need-fire, we see that it is a self-generated flame, in the realm of consciousness this is to be understood as a certain tension or friction between aspects of the psyche. This leads to the kindling of the flame of higher consciousness that is attainable only through these means."
Edred Thorsson, _Runelore: A Handbook of Esoteric Runology_, 1987

What is 'resistance' in me I think is born of my own insecurities. I doubt myself because I forget mySelf, my Higher Self who would give sure guidance if I only listen. In all sorts of ways I then become uncentered. But having identified my personal orlog enables me to push against its resistance.

As I listen, I hear, "Do not be afraid, you will achieve enduring works of truth and beauty." Self ahead of self tells me those in future times will reach back to me and embrace my creations if I find the Source of my inspiration and ever heed it. (And like the Khepera beetle, be ever persistant in pushing that dung ball.)

I receive these encouraging words gratefully and shall continue in the good work.

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