December 13, 2004

"Meditations On A Candle Flame"
8:59pm

This quote at "The Old Grey Poet" got me to thinking:

"Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other." - Carl Jung—

Later, I thought of it when gazing into a candle flame:

The flame is in the candle, and the flame is in me. Candle flame like a tree, wick for a trunk. The flame is in the candle, and the flame is in me. The flame also like a tender bud, aching with sweet heat. The flame is in the candle, and the flame is in me. And then with a blink, it becomes again a burning bush. The flame is in the candle, and the flame is in me. Am I the flame of love, and shadow of the power, or am I the flame of power, and love in the shadow? Does it flicker back and forth, with a breeze of my breath? I am a flexible tree. Yes, deeply rooted, but that is not all I am, for I am also the changing wind. I am so many things. The flame is in the candle, and the flame is in me. JAL, 12-13-04 revised 12-24-04

December 19, 2004 A

"Going To New Zealand"
2:27am

Such a nightmare! I have a whole new type of nightmare now. There's still the 'can't get ready in time for school' nightmare, and the 'can't find the class' nightmare and the 'missed the bus' nightmare, now there's the 'missed the airplane' nightmare.

In this dream, I am at the airport buying tickets. This part goes smoothly . (See, I didn't use Travelocity, heh!) I am going to New Zealand. Why New Zealand? Hardly nobody lives there. Julia said there's more sheep there than people. Anyway, in this dream I am going to New Zealand. I am going to meet up with my mother and father and we're going to go to New Zealand.

I spent time in the airport trying to exchange a bunch of US twenties for New Zealand money. The tall, heavy guy with pale hair at the exchange shop says "Well, we don't have much of THAT type of money. If you were going to Australia, now everyone goes there, and we have lots of that type..." I tuck the few pieces in my wallet, looking at the old quarters and some exotic looking multi colored paper money, and decide to look at the plane tickets to see when the plane boards.

(Yeah, I'm just NOW looking at this?) Well, it says that plane is leaving 1:22pm at gate 0 and it's now 1:15pm. I have no idea where gate 0 is and I try to get someone to tell me. The older Japanese lady is not amused with me. It seems my frantic screaming did not impress her at all. She declares, "Well, you might still make that plane, there's been some delay. However, you were rude to me, you forgot your manners, and now I'm not going to tell you where that gate is! You're on your own!"

Huh? Can't she see I'm desparate? I didn't mean to be rude! So I try my best to find 'gate 0' and notice an EXIT sign. Maybe that's where 'gate 0' is. So I climb the stairs, lugging the heavy luggage, and walk out the door to find a scene that doesn't look very much like an airport at all. It is just a parking lot filled with cars at night. The sky is dark. (Yeah, time goes fast in a dream, the plane was leaving at 1:22pm.) Two young dark haired security men are amused with my frantic behaviour. They both smile as one tells me with a slight Mexican accent, "Oh, yeah, you missed that plane, lady, long time ago." They think I've lost it.

The cold night air hits me, I am stunned...

...and then I wake up.

Full with the horror of that dream upon me. I spent all that money on tickets and missed the plane. I'm so mad at myself. I don't know what to do...

...and then I re-assemble the dream pieces. I was going to New Zealand with my mother and father? But they've both passed on! I was never meant to join them on that flight anyway!