The horoscope says 'Express yourself as you've never done before.' I do not know as I am full of this 'High nervous energy' the astrologer speaks of. Matter of fact, I feel just plain pooped.

But I had a marvelous day yesterday. I did a bit of serious reading and study in the early morning, while Julia went and did some errands. Then we went to the coffee shop at the big bookstore for the monthly gathering of pagans.

We came not too early we thought, but the doors were locked. No one else we knew, but two chatty gentlemen were seated there, so we chatted. The one, tall, thin and in his seventies, apparently has been around the world, and visited India. He spoke of Shiva, and I popped up with, ''Oh, I've just been reading about Shiva, the Indian God of 'destruction, change, and re-creation' and his similarity with other Gods.'' The thin one asks, ''Which Gods?'' And oh, the eloquence flew from me. The neat wording I might have in print went to half delineated vagueness. All I could say was ''Set, the Egyptian God, for he is also of 'destruction, change, and re-creation'. And then later, I remembered the nice paragraphs of the Egyptian Hyksos tribe and their similarities with the Indian Aryan tribe, but by then, we were talking about something else.

But before then, the thin man spoke of Shiva and his lingam, and all I could remember was the 'fiery lingam' one Indian page so nicely illustrated, and the tantra called Vamacara. Or did I call it Varacama?

And then thin man had some strange ideas, which I didn't know how to counter. Something about 'silence' and baseball. Or was it football? He was talking about life being 'experience' and we put too much thought to it. I countered with, ''But how we will understand our experiences if we don't apply thought to them?''

The friend accompanying him was in his thirties, short and dark, possibly of Middle Eastern origin himself. He took notes in a little book, and when Julia took us off on a tangent, he drew a picture of a mouse in the booklet, with tail too long. It curved and winded, and was twice as long as mouse. I forget what the mouse was about, some odd word coinage of Julia's.

The short man mostly was quiet, but at one point, he said the Egyptians were all about death, that they worshipped death. To this, I burst out, ''Only Osirus is God of the dead, all the rest are for the living.'' To that, he said nothing more, for Julia and thin man were taking the conversation elsewhere.

Soon our friends began to arrive, and after getting drinks and grilled turkey sandwiches, we went to join them. How mysterious, those men were! Later I saw them on a bench in the bookstore, arms animated as they continued their discussion.

So with them, we discussed Gods and philosophy. With our pagan friends, we were mostly silly. ''Where was your first kiss,'' the journalist asked. My answer with my picture may appear in the paper. I know my first meaningful kiss was with Laura, the day she came to Joliet. I'm pretty certain it was after the Chinese dinner at the restaurant, in my little studio apartment. Others had more exotic tales, even one of an under water kiss.

However, not all was silly. One lady had a channeling she sought help with. I don't feel comfortable to give advice on anyone else's channeling. It seemed the voice of a woman far away in some war torn country was coming through her. It was all oral, and she had no accompanying result in 'automatic writing'. But I didn't know what to say, so I mostly kept quiet.

Certainly, though, there are no doubt many souls whose agonies come up to those with sensitive ear to the magickal underground matrix, and I think she was just in the right alignment to hear this woman's sorrow. Maybe if you hear it, you are meant to send magickal comfort in some way. But that is just my thoughts and experience.

If they speak, we can speak back, using the same passageway their message came to us. But do you think I would think to say that THEN, when such comments might have been helpful? No!

We stayed until the last person went home, although maybe thin man and short man were still discussing things in the bookstore. I was tired, in need of nap, and nap I did for a few hours. Then I rose to more study. Someone is querying of some Egyptian matter on one of my forums, and I know I've seen the answer in my various documents. But I can't find anything but pieces. Perhaps the total explanation I remember of the various parts of the Egyptian soul is in another article.

Ah, frustrations again! I try to manage, despite my ineptness. Keep plugging along. Yes, I do not forget it is 'all a game', but I'm rather a competitive sort, and I like to 'win that game', and constantly better myself. However if words come not now, they will come later.

Evening was given to a lovely visit with our Greco-Franco Canadian friend and his wife. Such a delicious Greek meal was prepared for us, which I so greedily devoured, spice rich chicken, cucumber and tomato salad, and filo pastry in spinach and cheese triangles, layered pies, and in sweet nutty desserts. Conversation was lively, until I fell asleep. Julia, however, was animated, and that is good.

Yes, I fell asleep on the soft reclining chair. I can fall asleep anywhere, if I feel the weariness come on. I don't know why I have this natural ease.

Oh, it is all this, natural ease in some things and not in other things. But it is not bad that way. If I couldn't learn from others, marvel at the skills they possess that I don't have, and survey all of my experience with happy thoughts upon them, then I would be of all persons a most miserable one.

And how could I tell that to the thin man, that I savor my experiences by my thoughts, and make him see that? Years of travelling in India, and I would surely think often of those memories. But that is me. He is full of thoughts which impell his tongue to move, though he calls them not thoughts, and I am better with pen.

But then I think of thin man's emphasis on silence. Only if I am silent, can I hear myself speak. I do not know my thoughts if all is loud within, for they tangle together and are not easily sorted.

Savor your experiences, dear readers, however you best do that! May your experiences be such that you CAN savor them!

April 3, 2004

"Fair Mood"
5:35pm

Not sure why, (Plute SQUARE Moon?), a sort of sour mood prevails. I ask, per my last entry here, how I might savor this? I think the best way is to go ahead and indulge in sourness. Have a royal poutfest! Be as grungy as I feel! It is a gray day and vampire that I am, I prefer it that way. There are benefits to such days, for I didn't get too badly burned at the Yuma county fair today. This year I remembered the camera and took several nice photos.

'Weirdo' that I am, I was rather impressed with this bull's attributes:

Running, I imagine, is an hazard for the bull. However, I have never seen one run, and maybe this is why.

But you came here hoping to find PRETTY pictures, and not that sort of thing, didn't you? Oh, you didn't, and you prefer the rebellious bits! OOOHhh, yes, then we have much in common!

But pretty pics I do have. Unlike many of the other cut flowers, this amaryllis has managed to survive since the beginning of the fair without becoming wilted:

There are more fair pictures, which I will share in time. I'll end this entry with a fluffy bunny, seemingly content in his captivity.

He's feeding. That always improves the mood, I note, as I chew my way through a lettuce salad. Cake topped with strawberries awaits me for dessert!

Until we meet again, all things decadent and delightful to you...